oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
