you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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