I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
