porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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