Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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