A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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