I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
