She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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