If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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