We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
