when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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