he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
