Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
