I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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