just tell him i said nine months
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
