i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
