Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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