At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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