I hope mine doesn't look like that
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
