Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
