i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we're so committed to being not committed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
