Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
