After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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