no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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