Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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