i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
