I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
