he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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