I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
