Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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