wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
