a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
