a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
