if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
