I skipped work to stalk him.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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