just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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