just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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