I can text with my tongue
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
