Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
