The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
