Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
