I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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