peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
