we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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