you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
