I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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