You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
