If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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