I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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