Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
