I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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