so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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