I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
