The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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