Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
