I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
