I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
