The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
