Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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