Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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