goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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