What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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