That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
