Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
