So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
