Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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