There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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