you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
