So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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