Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
