she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
