You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
