I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
do nipples grow back?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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